i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
