I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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