So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
