I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
