A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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