The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
