Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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