guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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