i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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