I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Two words: blizzard sex
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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