just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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