ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
