Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
