she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
