hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
