I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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