everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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