I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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