whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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