doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
