Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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