If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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