when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
