Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
