You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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