Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
