i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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