Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
