Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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