No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
