the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We're hate flirting, damnit.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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