Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
