she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
