somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
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I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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