am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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