I puked a lego.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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