I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
