oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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