It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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