Your face is a jimmy john
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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You had me at "let me see your balls"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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