Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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