Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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