yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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