Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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