I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
