I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
