so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
only if we run a train.
done.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
