paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
