i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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