Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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