I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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