Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
