I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
