I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
