you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
