just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
