I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
