I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
