There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
