Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
