The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
