He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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