Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
