he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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