is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
