I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
