PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
