Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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