I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
