I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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