I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
