So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dicks are not precious.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
