i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
