Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
