I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
