Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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