girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
