I cockslap morals
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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