Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
