Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
