well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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