your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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